Sunday, February 19, 2017

Happy Birthday, my angel baby Tyler!

It's been 25 years since you were born sleeping.  I'll never forget that day.  I'll  never forget the feelings of loss, heartbreak, guilt, helplessness, and despair.  And the list of emotions just goes on and on...I just keep trying to think God had something more special planned for you than for you to remain on Earth so he ascended you to Heaven.  You were budded on Earth to bloom in Heaven.  And, my dear baby boy, I hope you are.  I believe so since you visited your sister in a dream once years ago.  That visitation inspired me to write a children's book about sibling loss.  I haven't finished it yet, but at least I did start on it.  I hope it can help children work through some of the same feelings, thoughts, and questions we all have had.

Two years ago my coworkers helped me with a balloon release on your birth date and at the time you were born sleeping, 3:00 pm.  It was really sweet and cathartic.  We sang Happy Birthday to you and released the balloons.  It was a neat experience.

Last year I didn't really want to do anything like that again so soon but decided I would like to get a tattoo to honor you and somewhat feel you close to me.  I then decided I'd wait till this year to commemorate the 25th anniversary of your passing.  I plan to get it soon.  It will be of your footprints with your name and birth date and maybe some angel wings or something else fitting.  Of course, I'll post a picture on my blog when I get it.

You would be proud of your sister and brother.  Tori graduated from SFA this past May and is a 7th grade writing teacher!  Trevor is in his sophomore year at SFA, and last semester he made the President's Honor Roll!  I am certainly very proud of both of them.

I'll never forget you and will always wonder what you would look like now and what you would be doing with your life.  I'll always remember the life that kicked and fluttered away under my heart.  I'll always remember how excited I was to become your mother.  I still remember the first time I heard your heartbeat.  It turned out it would be the only time I heard your heartbeat.  It was so strong.  I had no reason then to think anything was or could be wrong.  Like I said, I believe God had something better planned for you.  Maybe you were just too beautiful for Earth.

I only knew you for a little while, but even then, you made me smile.  :)

Until we meet again, my angel baby...