To my angel baby,
Late again...Yes, I know. Only 2 months or so this time. haha I'm starting this in a library and will have to stop for a bit to go to client meetings, but I had time to kill so here I am.
Since my last post, a lot has happened. Last summer was super crazy busy with work. Trevor and I got our own apartment in September, and Tori & Evan got married on November 22! It was a beautiful wedding! Your sister looked stunningly beautiful and gorgeous and your brother quite handsome. I looked ok I guess. Nah. Ok...for once, I felt really pretty. Hey, I clean up pretty good! LOL! Anyway, everyone looked incredibly handsome and beautiful. You (well, your footprints anyway) got to be a part of the wedding, too. I framed your footprints and put them on the memorial table along with pictures of other family members that had passed on as well. I was glad you could be part of it in your own way. It was a gorgeous occasion on a gorgeous day, and many wonderful memories were made!
We also got a new kitty! Her name is Angelica, and she's SO cute! We got her on Saturday, February 5. I was at Pets Supplies Plus buying some things for a client and went over to look at the kitties up for adoption. I fell in love right away. We are enjoying her, but I do miss Shadow and Ethel. However, Angelica keeps up entertained and is a sweet kitty although she doesn't like to be held or picked up. She does like to be petted, though. I almost renamed her Betty White since Betty White was such an animal lover and had passed away recently on New Year's Eve 2021.
I've been able to attend book events again this year, and I've loved it! First I went to Art Walk in Kilgore, TX. Then, my cousin Betsy and I both sold our books at the Spring Fling Market Day at a church in Houston. We did the event last year but didn't think to take any pictures so this year I told her that we needed to make sure her husband John took at least one picture of us. LOL And he did. We had a lovely day and sold some books! I imagine her daddy and your granny would be proud of their author girls. A few weeks ago I was able to attend Chautauqua Festival in Longview, TX again after them not being able to host it the last few years due to Covid and also a bad storm in 2019. I got interviewed and was in the Longview News Journal! That was exciting! :D That's all the book events until Fall. Summer time will be too busy and honestly, too hot, for me to attend anything else until then. I hope to do at least 2 or 3 more events this year. I absolutely LOVE being an author! It's so much fun! Oh! I nearly forgot to mention that my latest book, Shadow's Forever Home, won 1st place at the North Texas Book Festival in the Children's age 6 to 12 category! It was my first book award, and I'm very happy and proud to have won! :)
Another piece of good news is that Tori is graduating on May 15 with her Master's degree! She earned her MFA in Creative Writing from the University of Texas-El Paso. She and Evan are flying out next weekend for the graduation ceremony. I won't be able to be there but will watch it live stream on the school's website. I can't wait! I'm so excited and happy for her! She has worked really hard and earned a 4.0 GPA while working full-time, being married, and living life. That's NOT an easy task, but she did it! She has also secured an adjunct position at a local junior college teaching English, and she will begin this fall. She never ceases to amaze me at all her accomplishments.
I actually took time off the first week of February and went on vacation in East Texas. I needed a break from work and the city. Christmastime was incredibly busy, and I was experiencing burnout. I wanted to go home...so I did. I went to Kilgore and stayed in a hotel for a week. I rested, saw friends, went out to eat, and road around a lot going down Memory Lane. I also did something I've wanted to do for a very long time. I finally visited one of my old childhood homes that is now a real estate company, and I was able to take a tour of the house by a very sweet employee who took the time to let me linger and remember. I almost burst into tears when we went into the kitchen. It hasn't changed since 1978. I was 7 the last time I was in that house. I'm now 51. I have had dreams of that house over the course of my lifetime. Sometimes the interior is a bit different, but it's still the same house. My theory for the reason I have dreams of this house is because it's the last house in which I lived where the family was intact. The next house we lived in is also one I cherish, but it's also the house we were living in when my dad left us. I can still remember the Sunday morning my mom was in the kitchen crying, and the couch held evidence of someone having slept on it the night before. I asked her who had slept on the couch (thinking maybe my brother Steve had had a friend over really late), and she continued to sob and said, "I never thought it would happen to us." IT turned out to be a divorce. My dad left not long after that. I also remember playing outside one afternoon and wanting to go inside with my friend Heather Stetson to get a drink since it was summer and H-O-T. Their arguing (or whatever) stopped me dead in my tracks. I told Heather they were talking so we'd better not go inside. What I heard was my mother weeping and begging my dad to stay while he calmly told her he was sorry, but he'd already made up his mind. My heart broke for her, but in a way I was relieved because I was scared of him and his temper. It was like walking on egg shells whenever he was around. I was 9. As I mentioned before, I'm now 51 and still have issues with my relationships with men. That's probably why I'm single and am just fine with it. Oh well....I say all this to get back to my vacation and why I went home. I never have had time when I've been there before for an event. It's go there, do the event, maybe see a few people, and have to hurry back for work. This time I had a whole week to reflect on things and take the time to drive around and visit or just rest. There was no set schedule or time I had to do anything, and it was really nice to be able to do that. Now that my parents (and beloved stepdad) are all gone, I really miss being home. I seriously hate to leave every time I have to, and there's a huge tug at my heart like a homesickness and sadness. It's hard to explain I guess, but I feel it every single time. When I left that house after my gracious tour, I held it together long enough to get to my car and drive out of the driveway and down the street before I had to pull over and break down. The tears were blurring my vision. I had to let it out. I had to grieve for my parents, my home, my youth. I can still remember being a little girl in that house and staying home with my mom, who was a housewife, and playing in my room or watching soap operas and game shows on TV with her. We watched The Edge of Night, As The World Turns, and The Guiding Light. I remember watching all the old, vintage shows with her while she'd also fold laundry and clean house or go cook for a while and then come back to the TV. One thing that surprised me about my visit was that the outside of the house looked the same size, but the inside rooms looked so much smaller than I remember. I guess that's how your perspective changes as you get older. Everything looks bigger when you're a little kid. I also guess what I really miss besides the being themselves is just being a little girl and the innocence of that age and the security I felt in my mother's embraces. I didn't have to worry about work or bills or have the slightest clue about how ugly and cruel the world and its humans in it can be. All I had to do was be a little girl and play.
I still think about you all the time and wonder what could have been. You'd be 30 now. You might even be married and a daddy by now...or maybe not, and that's ok, too. I will always wonder I guess. I still wonder why but also know God had a purpose for you. I still have goals of getting the tattoo and writing the book. I feel like every time I write to you or about you, I find that in a way, I am writing the book. I hope when I'm finally finished with it, it'll be one that makes you proud.
There's not a lot else to report. Trevor is still deciding what he wants to do about his future. He helps me take care of the apartment and Angelica, and he helps watch other pets for family members like Aunt Janet or Tori. I'm going to close out now. It's almost midnight on May 3 (well the 4th actually). I'm tired and getting sleepy and have to work tomorrow. The increasing heat is already beginning take a toll on me so I need my rest. As always, I hope you're resting easy in the place you were born to bloom.
Until next year....
Love,
Mom
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